Browsing through the online edition of the Times of London the other day, I came upon a seemingly fascinating story titled "Top 10 Ways to Forage for Free Food".
It's a guide (of sorts) inspired by an interview with British food writer Prue Leith in the U.K. version of Good Housekeeping, in which she describes the pleasures of lifting the eggs from the nest of a wild Canadian mother goose and turning them into a tasty omelette – an act the article from The Times makes clear is very illegal. ("Bad, bad Prue.")
And so, instead of stealing eggs from the nests of protected species, the article suggests a double handful of perfectly legal forms of foraging – many of which are just as horrifying, if not more so. It begins with "Squirrel Fishing," which we're told is "common in the US." Apparently, the trick is to tie a peanut to a string. The squirrel is tempted by the peanut, begins to toy with it – and is grabbed and bagged. The result is "a supper of grey squirrel."
Now, I don't know which is more horrifying – the notion of snagging a squirrel for dinner in the park…or the contention that this is "common in the US." But honestly, it seems less irksome than the notion of wild goose eggs. And it's followed by a bunch of suggestions for gathering your own food that make a burger at Mickey D's seem quite pleasurable by comparison.
We discover that 25 dandelion roots are enough to make one cup of dandelion coffee – which is caffeine-free, so what's the point? Nettle tea is apparently quite pleasant as well. (Ick!). Fresh-picked mushrooms are a pleasure – unless you pick a bad one, in which case they make for a last supper that friends and family will speak about for years. ("Remember when Uncle Morty ate the mushrooms and turned blue?") Snails are, of course, a treat – as long as you spend several days detoxing them from the Snail Death you've spread over the garden.
And then, of course, you can save a fortune on perfumes (according to the article) by making your own with rose petals. All you've got to do is collect handfuls of petals, and boil them in water for two hours. Then, strain them through cheesecloth until the mixture is clear. Add alcohol. Keep in fridge. Blackberry juice on the lips and cheeks will give you "a healthy, antioxidant flush." Which leads us to at least two realizations. Foragers have a lot more time on their hands than the rest of us. And they have a complexion that comes from a diet of mushrooms found under trees – sallow and pale.
– Merrill Shindler