Now that I've been a guest critic on Gordon Ramsay's show Hell's Kitchen (episode 408, which aired on Tuesday, May 20th), people keep asking me exactly where Hell's Kitchen is. I like to tell them that it's somewhere between guilt and redemption – an answer that earns me a blank stare and, in one notable case, the perfect follow-up question: "Is that in Las Vegas?"
No, it's actually on a sound stage in the warehouse district that sits more or less between the westside of LA and the airport. It's an impressive structure, with a leitmotif of flames gushing from behind every logo and, it would seem, every visible orifice. But mostly, the flames are in the kitchen – some from the stovetops, but most from Gordon Ramsay.
So, there I was in October on the set, invited to be a critic along with Sophie Gayot. The Red and Blue teams prepared hotellike food – and often not quite that – in their respective kitchens. There were medallions of beef, slightly overcooked, and salmon filets, not quite as overcooked. The food all came out very slowly.
But the food wasn't the point. Ramsay's antics were the point. He would bound into one of the kitchens, scream at the chefs for a spell, throw their food on the floor or in the sink, then head to the other kitchen to do it all over again. It was like watching a soccer match, only instead of a ball, there was fish and meat.
Then came Ramsay's meltdown. He banged his head against the oven, then ordered the Red team out of the kitchen. The Red Team had completely fallen apart – much of their food never arrived and subsequently they lost the challenge to the better-prepared Blue team.
But the Blue team lost a fingertip – Matt sliced his off. His flesh probably wound up in the pancetta that garnished the salad. The show was edited so that I appeared to be chewing on the fingertip, and praising it for its texture. Yum. Just call me Hannibal Shindler.
– Merrill Shindler