Zagat Survey Discussions

By Olga Boikess

Long hours and hazardous, back-breaking work in a macho environment are just some of the challenges facing women working in professional kitchens. Those who rise to the top – running their own restaurants and catering companies, starring in TV shows, writing cookbooks – face even more demanding schedules and responsibilities. So imagine what happens when you add having a family into the mix.

Some of the industry's most talented chefs are also proud mothers (and grandmothers). How do they juggle their roles – and deal with the guilt – when family and work obligations collide? And what do their children eat? In honor of fast-approaching Mother's Day (May 14th), we talked to six stellar chefs to find out how they've managed to rock both the culinary world and the cradle.

Lidia Bastianich, whose illustrious dining empire includes Felidia, Becco, Esca and Del Posto in Manhattan plus Lidia's in Kansas City and Pittsburgh, says that "all children want is happy parents." That philosophy sustained her as she raised two children while pursuing her passion for food by working full-time in her restaurants. Still, Bastianich admits that she found herself worrying about not being able to 'do it all' when she had her second child while running one of the family's early ventures in Forest Hills, NY. What got her through it? Her own mother's support – she took care of the children after school and later worked with Bastianich at Felidia – as well as "planning and setting rules" for her kids. Clearly, Bastianich succeeded in nurturing not only a successful career but strong family bonds as well: her son, Joseph, is now a partner in the business and her grown daughter, Tanya, is involved too.

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Bastianich will celebrate Mother's Day this year at a festive meal for the extended family – including her five grandchildren – in one of the clan's restaurants, most likely enjoying a menu featuring seasonal ingredients and a baked pasta. And even now, she continues to strive to balance home and work – for example, getting up before dawn to make breakfast with a visiting grandaughter before leaving for an out-of-town charity event, much as she did in years gone by, when she would arrive home in the wee hours from her restaurant and then rise early to get her children off to school.

Gale Gand, executive pastry chef and partner in Chicago's acclaimed Tru restaurant, waited until she was nearly 40 to have her son, Gio (short for Giorgio), now nine. She also has one-and-a-half-year-old twin daughters, Ella Nora and Ruby Grace. The fact that Gand was "always opening a restaurant" helps explain her relatively late arrival to motherhood. "If I had it to do over, I would have had my children sooner," she says. Gand's career is still at full boil. Besides Tru, she's been involved in TV and cookbook projects and will help to open four more restaurants this year: Osteria di Tramonto, Tramonto's Steak & Seafood, RT Lounge and Gale's Coffee Bar, all in a new Westin hotel slated to open in Wheeling this fall. Yet she usually manages to be at home (in the woods 30 miles from Chicago) for at least part of the day in order to "create the memory" of a mother who cooks dinner for her kids. One of Gand's secrets for carving out home time is "training restaurant staff to replace" her by "empowering" them to make decisions on their own. Another is her husband's involvement in family life.

On Mother's Day, she and her son – a "great eater" who enjoys everything from choucroute to greens – and the rest of the family will celebrate the holiday as they have for the past eight years, by going to a nursery to select the herbs, heirloom tomatoes and other plants ("maybe eggplant this year?") they'll grow in their garden – some of which may make it onto the tables at Tru.

Debbie Gold and her chef-husband, Michael Smith, run their highly regarded Kansas City restaurant, 40 Sardines, like a tag team – that way each one can spend as much time as possible with their daughters, Misha and Sophie (ages eight and six, respectively), while the girls are "still willing to hang out" with them. The hardest part of combining parenting and running a restaurant, says Gold, is "getting over the guilt." Neither wanted a full-time nanny because then it "would be too easy" to work late. So one or the other is usually home to make dinner for the kids – they "love crudités!" notes Gold, as well as pasta and rice.

Come Mother's Day, there'll be no leisurely breakfast in bed for Gold – since 40 Sardines will be open for brunch, she'll arrive at the restaurant at 6 or 7 AM and leave at 2 or 3 PM. Then she'll do something special with the kids, like catching a movie or going to the park. Smith will work a later shift at the restaurant and join them for dinner, but they'll leave the cooking to someone else and head to a Thai or sushi place. When Gold does make a meal at home, her kids join in – she's "not a 'don't touch' person," says Gold, whose advice for other working women is to "make time for quality family time. It's good for children to understand what hard work is," she says, but it's also critical to "make sure your family knows they're an important part of your life as well."

Traci Des Jardins, chef-owner of the San Francisco standouts Jardinière and Mijita, and managing chef of Acme Chophouse, says she has had to "wean her restaurants off" making constant demands on her time during the two days a week she devotes to her six-year-old son, Eli. Admittedly, doing so is "really hard" since her career is running full blast, but Des Jardins points to "prioritizing," as well as the support of family and friends, as the keys that allow her to find time to focus on him.

Though all her restaurants will be open on Mother's Day, Des Jardins will most likely be touring a farmer's market with Eli, buying food for the dinner she'll make for him and their family and friends that night. Des Jardins describes Eli as a "picky" eater who'll nibble on things like parsley or cilantro while they shop the market, but don't even think about getting him to eat the likes of cooked broccoli with a meal – pleasing his palate is a "challenge," even for this accomplished chef.

Barbara Lynch had hit it big professionally, running her successful No. 9 Park and having just opened B&G Oysters and The Butcher Shop, all in Boston, when her daughter, Marchesa, now two, was born. While Lynch was devoted to her career, she also didn't want to miss having a family – so the answer for her was to get even "more organized" to "make it work." Having a supportive husband was important too. While a nanny tends to Marchesa during the day, he takes over at 5 PM, often bringing the budding bec fin (who loves gnocchi with Mimolette cheese) to No. 9 Park for supper.

Lynch usually spends Sundays at home, making a few check-in calls to her restaurants, but this Mother's Day, No. 9 Park will be open for a special brunch and she plans to be there, "showing off" her child to her regular clientele between stints in the kitchen.

Nora Pouillon, chef-owner of Nora and Asia Nora in Washington, DC, and a champion of organic cuisine, is the mother of four (her daughters Nadia and Nina are now 16 and 19, respectively, and her sons Olivier and Alexis are 35 and 37) and has been working in the restaurant business since the oldest was eight. During their childhood, a babysitter would bring them to her restaurant for an early organic dinner – with a side order of homework help. On Sundays, she'd bring home "what needed to be used up" from the restaurant's larder and cook a family meal. For Pouillon, the loving support of her partner (in business and life) has made a huge difference in her ability to mesh motherhood with a career.

But Pouillon won't have to worry about the job this Mother's Day – her restaurants are shuttered on Sundays and holidays, so this year, as usual, there will be a big family gathering (most likely a swimming party) at her home, with everyone pitching in to cook the meal together. You can bet that organic ingredients will figure prominently on the menu.