Zagat Survey Discussions

When I’m dining out with a large group of friends and one of them isn’t drinking or only ordered a salad, when the bill comes I always insist they contribute less money. I find this situation occur frequently when I dine with my girlfriends. As far as I know, the proper etiquette is to split the bill equally (unless someone is treating the entire group). Reason being that you’re not just paying for your meal, you’re paying for the entire experience.  With that being said, I still think it’s rude if no one acknowledges the person in the group that only ordered a salad. What are your thoughts on how to handle splitting the bill? What other problems have you encountered?

I’ve been in this situation before. If it’s a small group of women that are friends it’s usually not a problem. Usually you know that “Sally” is having financial problems and is watching what she spends or maybe she’s pregnant and can’t drink or on a diet and doesn’t want dessert, etc. As friends you know this information and it’s your duty to be a good friend and take note or Sally should feel comfortablt to speak up and say something. 

I find the issue to occur at large gatherings, such as someone’s birthday in a group of 8 or more people, when you don’t necessarily know everyone very well. It becomes especially difficult if you’re the one that somehow becomes responsible for calculating what everyone owes and it’s nearly impossible to realize that “Sally” only ordered a salad and you should give her the option of contributing $30 instead of $80, etc. In those situations, everyone who accepted the invitation should be prepared to split the bill without question. It’s actually not financially wise to order the cheap item on the menu...consider ordering the lobster. It’ll end up costing you less than normal. Just kidding. Seriously though, I think it’s important to take note when you can that someone spent a considerably smaller amount than others, but if you’re the one spending less you can’t be offended when expected to contribute the equal amount. If you can’t afford to do that, you probably shouldn’t have accepted the invitation. 

I disagree with the last two sentences of the above post.

If someone can't afford to eat expensive food, I don't think a fair alternative is to say "Gee, then, stop hanging out with your friends."

I think the ethical practice is-- if your friends are poor, don't be a jerk.

Heck, you can always ask for a separate check if you're having a salad and your friends are ordering full meals and wine.

The way I figure, if you dine out frequently with the same group of friends, you should just split everything evenly, since it usually evens out the next time around anyway. Nevertheless, I always give the person who only got the salad the option of paying less, but I would probably be a little taken aback if s/he did so.

If it's a large group, like the birthday party example, whoever organized the event should always establish up front how the payment is going to be divided so people won't think that person is paying the tab. Although, as someone who was once tasked with the unpleasant duty of organizing such an event at a friend's (the birthday girl's) request, I felt EXCRUCIATINGLY tacky about the whole thing.

As for SB's comment above, I completely agree - if your friend are poor, don't be a jerk. However, in my mind, "not being a jerk" means choosing a venue they can afford and not putting them in the awkward position of having to choose between their rent and their friends.

I'm usually on the top end of the ordering scale, and if the others haven't come close to matching what I've spent, I always add enough to cover my added expenses. That seems only fair to me, although if it's a small enough group, separate bills works well, too.

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So many calories, so little time!

I'm usually one of the big spenders ina crowd, and I feel badly when a non-drinker is asked to share the bar bill, which is often 1/2 of the pretax bill. If its comfortable I ask the low spender to pay for their meal, then split the rest of the bill with everyone else. I do get peeved when lower spenders under pay and don't share in the tip and tax, though.

Could someone explain why waitstaff are so reluctant to do separate checks for groups? It might take a little more time to "ring up" but how much time can it take? It would certainly be easier on the less affluent guests to know what they've spent and not to be worried about being required to pay more than they are able. I'm not talking about 20 people as a group. I'm thinking more along the lines of 8-10.

I think the idea of going to a less costly restaurant is a good one. It doesn't have to be lower in quality, just more realistic for the wallet!

JoannaB0903 wrote:
Could someone explain why waitstaff are so reluctant to do separate checks for groups? It might take a little more time to "ring up" but how much time can it take? . . . I'm not talking about 20 people as a group. I'm thinking more along the lines of 8-10.
 
Why draw the line at ten? There are so many reasons why waitstaff are reluctant to present separate checks, but let's start from the beginning, when you sit down. Do you ask for separate checks at that point? That's when I know I have stopped working in the fine restaurant I normally go to at 4PM, and have woken up as a waiter in a Denny's. At that point I will try to explain that I can only open one check per table; computers do this to keep dishonest waiters honest. If you really still want separate checks, and I have to open ten checks for one table, how do you feel about receiving each meal one plate at a time? which is how you are asking the kitchen to fire them. But no, you won't ask for separate checks until it's time to present the bill, will you, at which point how I am supposed to remember which one of you had three cosmos and which one of you had four or two? Men don't normally do this; by and large this is a woman's issue, and if you are truly unable to see how unreasonable this request is in the middle of a busy night in a fine restaurant, when there are many clients competing for our BASIC attention, then you will never understand it and there is no point in trying to explain it further to you. Stick with Denny's.

All that Michael says seems reasonable, but in many European countries, it is quite normal for individual checks to be issued. When in doubt the waiter simply asks Who had the three cosmos (not that one ever drinks these in Europe)? I guess it's just a matter of what is considered normal, but I prefer the ease with which a company of diners asks for and receives individual checks.

Obviously you have never worked as a server. Separate checks for a large table is utter madness, not only for the waiter, but also the bartender, the kitchen and everyone else involved. By the time you are finished ringing up 10 separate checks for one table, you have fallen behind (being "in the weeds" we used to call it). Keeping track of 10 separate checks for one table is every waiter's nightmare. Every request from the table creates havoc. It usually only happens with a group of women. Then they all want their salad dressing "on the side", no onions or mayo, everything without butter, etc. etc. etc. Considering the server has other tables to attend to, everybody suffers. Oh, yes, one thing I forgot . . . in my experience, the higher the maintenance, the lower the tip.

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Brooklynbobby

So true RobertK

The whole point of going out in a group is to have fun with your friends. If one (or two) of them cannot afford $80 but only $30, you might want to go somewhere which is affordable to all. Works for us.

As we can see there are differing points of view regarding this topic from both sides of the equation. We usually split the difference with a large group unless there is a large differential from one patron to another. Also, you can ask ahead when making your reservation whether the house would mind preparing separate checks.
Another option, if you have a large group perhaps you should all discuss a set menu (with some options of course). It would make it easier for all concerned...

I regularly go out with a group of high school class classmates & we just pass the check around & every just pays for their own order plus tip. We usually end up overtipping but since we also linger at the table more than most groups, it works out for all concerned. 
Just make certain this is OK with everyone else in your gathering before you head out to the restaurant to ensure that all agree with this new method of sharing the expenses.

I've done this before and I think it works great too.